Dump him/her.

In Uncategorized on July 1, 2011 at 1:16 am

I read this article on the feministe blog, titled DTMFA, and as amusing as it was, it’s a serious issue, and I was thinking, “Thank you” for posting this.  http://www.feministe.us/blog/archives/2011/06/28/dtmfa/

It’s about people who right to advice collumnists complaining about their significant other – wife, husband, boy friend, girlfriend, guy you’re ‘talking to’, etc. – and say how great they are except that they always put them down, smell like rotten fish, never pick their clothes up off the floor…blah blah. 

If that’s the case, and if you’re taking the time to vent your frustrations about this person to an advice collumnist, then dump them…or talk to them.  If you’re married, then yeah, it’s a little more complicated, but otherwise, drop them like it’s hot.  Seriusly.  Some things YOU should reconsider about yourself, but when your friends start getting worried then you know something is up – and I’m not talking abot that jealous friend who you’ve always questioned keeping around. 

The problem with people in general is that they know what they should do, but often, want to be told by someone else just to be sure.  Or they know what they should do but to see it through takes effort and more trouble than doing nothing.  Stop being complacent.  It bring NO happiness.  Not to you, and not to people who truly care about you. 

Example from some random site – http://www.dearmrsweb.com/PAC%20Dating%20Archives1.htm

Dear Mrs. Web,

My fiancée called yesterday and we discussed getting together that evening. We agreed to meet at his apartment so I went home, rushed through my evening tasks, and went to his apartment. He was not there so I let myself in, fed the dog and settled in. Two hours later – no fiancé so I left a voice mail on his cell phone and went home. I have not heard from him and I am boiling mad. This is the second time this has happened.

If he had been saving small children from a blazing building, or in a severe car accident, well, I guess I would understand – this time. However, if he was having a great time with the buddies and losing track of time, or involved with a project and didn’t even call, well, I think it is time for THE TALK.

The TALK consists of discussing how you feel when you are forgotten: “When you forget me I feel unloved…and it hurts…I need to know…I get so worried you are hurt….” 

Make it clear that this episode is a major event for you and causes all kinds of pain. Make him aware of the costs of his behaviors. Do this calmly and clearly. Then drop the subject. If he continues to be forgetful, you have to decide what you will and won’t tolerate.



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