femmecomplexe

You don’t understand me part 2

In Uncategorized on December 5, 2010 at 8:47 pm

In our society men and women at young ages are told what behavior is suitable for boys and girls and we are given different tasks or enrolled in different activities that shape this. 

Example: In my house I loved playing dress up with my little sister and when my little brother was old enough, probably two to three years old, we’d let him join us as well – playing house because I guess I was emulating my mother who I spent more time with…but my Dad would get upset if we put him in dresses or anything, so if he wished to play dress up with us we’d attire him in a helmet and give him a sword, and he’d be our little foot soldier or guard. 

And why is that? Because if as a boy you grow up wearing women’s clothing then you may do so when you are older and turn into a cross dresser and that is not the proper behavior of a ‘normal’ man.  Gender confusion, there is much talk that goes into that and why people turn out the way they do, but that’s another topic that I’m not exploring right now. 

So growing up men are taught to participate in certain activities that will demonstrate their strength and hand-eye coordination and ability to take pain and that losing is not an option: sports, mowing the lawn, taking out the trash, fixing cars (though it seems nowadays a lot of guys have no idea how to fix a car)…and then, if they have a good father and mother and good older siblings  they’ll learn how to be good citizens and respect institutions, their elders, excel in everything they do, and respect women. 

But, how is it that our society shows men how to respect women? (Well, much of popular culture doesn’t show it at all but starting as a young boy, how do parents and responsible adults show them?) Hopefully through example but often it seems the message that gets relayed is that respecting women means viewing them as helpless and in need of protection (which is probably why women fear men/rape/assault, etc. so much as well because we’re told by men to fear men) 

–         so we get doors held open for us

–         boxes lifted

–         appliances fixed

–         dinner paid for

–         and have our feelings taken into account and aren’t ogled at (oh wait, I’m pretty sure this important part of respect gets overlooked – at least it seems harder to put into practice for many guys as they grow up)

But its society’s fault right? All those sports and video games about shooting people and hooking up (it’s pretty appalling some of the video games that come out now – or so it seems from the descriptions I’ve been given)…failure is not an option/being less than average isn’t an option (actually I don’t think there’s anything wrong with wanting to excel but that’s probably because I was raised that way – to be really competitive and that losing is never fun – it’s not about the game, it’s about winning)

However, since boys grow up competing with other boys and learning that girls are weaker, they automatically assume that they must be superior to them and can’t be stupider or incompetent in a task compared to them because, well when they grow up they’re going to have to take care of their wife and kids (just like their Daddy does), therefore they have to be better at everything. 

The fear of weakness is probably a huge contributing factor – weakness in body, weakness emotionally…wish there was fear of weakness in moral aptitude as well. 

Then I’m sure there’s the idea that women are supposed to be soft and sensitive, good homemakers and maternal, good listeners and quiet (because we have tendency to talk a lot – sometimes – though I know some guys who just talk on and on and I’m thinking ‘don’t you like silence, at all? Or is the sound of your own voice that melodious?’)

Feminists however have decided to denounce these expectations (though there is nothing wrong with wanting a family or knowing how to cook or anything else – it’s about choosing and being respected for it and respecting yourself) and therefore they appear less feminine.  There’s also that misconception that feminists are lesbians and I’m sure some are, but not all of us are.  I guess that stems from the idea that feminists hate men, are masculine and since lesbians like other females and are thought to be masculine…voila what great deductive reasoning.  I suppose though, if a man can’t attract a woman then he fails in his masculinity somehow, just as a woman who can’t attract a man is a failure (though I think men and women view attraction in different ways – for women it’s more commitment than attraction)

Anyways, fear of independent women = fear of appearing weak and not being needed or wanted (though I guess everyone fears that)

Girls need attention and Boys need us:

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