femmecomplexe

A Ben and Jerry Night

In Anecdotes on September 27, 2010 at 8:05 am
Alone

 

Tonight, I had a very anti-feminist moment.  I was listening to a girl, I won’t name who, tell me about her boy problems.  And as she continued to ramble on, for over two hours, I thought to myself – I can’t take this anymore! Maybe all those guys are right. Girls hate boys because they can’t find one themselves, they just want to be held, and “feminism was established to allow unattractive women easier access to the mainstream”, at least according to Rush Limbaugh, what an idiot.    

I am tired of talking about boys, and how there are no good ones out there – I’m tired of looking – at least feeling that I should be looking – as though it’s buried treasure.  Maybe good guys are like buried treasure, that buried treasure that doesn’t really exist, even though we spend our lives searching for it.  And I’m tired of being disappointed by all guys and thinking they’re disgusting, but still being attractive to them.  Why must I be attracted to such a disgusting gender? Why? 

Another thing, why am I always the one stuck being the ‘good listener’ to that girl with low self-esteem? Big deal, get over it! I mean she’s smart and has grown to be comfortable with herself, but gets brought down by some guy, who’s probably not even that great, who leads her to eat her feelings in a pint of Ben and Jerry’s ice cream… 

While these thoughts were going through my mind I began to think; It’s not really her fault. I mean sure, she trusted a friend and he let her down, and now she’s venting and it’s a little overwhelming, but the reason she feels so insecure about herself is because her image of what attractive is, of what guys are looking for has been shaped for her, by men.  When did men get to decide what beauty is, and that women must encompass this ideal or they’re worthless? And as she talks about her issues she’s made to feel bad about that, about letting out her feelings, because she’s somehow over analyzing things – something men tell us we do.  So, we have feelings, we think about the things we do, and the things others do in relation to us.  When did this become a bad thing? Women should not be made to feel less, or in the wrong because they choose to think before they act, and take other people’s feelings into consideration.  

We can’t win, even if we buy into men’s ideal of the perfect woman, it’s never enough.  That beautiful girl who has dated countless D-bags, strives to always keep that image and look beautiful for a guy she’s finally met who seems like one of those rare good ones, but he turns around and makes her feel bad about it, and when’s she hurt, he thinks to himself: ‘if we broke up, she’d be devastated, and me, I’d be ok’.  It’s like each girl you’re with is just a stepping stone for someone else later on.  A guy once said you start out with the ugly ones, to help your self-esteem, and then move up to the more attractive ones.  Really? Is that how it works? Things like that make me feel so sad for humanity, and yes, I know there are much worse things. But shouldn’t we strive for better…for a greater sense of goodness? 

Maybe I’m looking for an ideal, and feminism is simply an ideal that’s unattainable, because the perception of it – the concept of equality is simply a concept, and concepts don’t always pan out. 

(A Lilly Allen music video that I think espouses the concept of what I blogged about)

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